Counseling Services

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Insights from the Counselors

Some folks in the mental health field posit that what many people are feeling is grief. The stages of grief may sound familiar. Denial (it will not affect me), anger (plenty to be angry about), bargaining (if I avoid contact I will be safe), sadness (so many losses) and acceptance (this is what it is, and it doesn’t feel great).

It helps to name what we are feeling. David Kessler, an expert in healing grief and loss, was recently interviewed in a Harvard Business Review article, “That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief”. In the article he suggests that we are all feeling a tremendous sense of loss on the micro and macro levels. Loss of safety, work, connection, routine, pivotal life events such as graduations and weddings, eating out, travel, and on and on.

Kessler claims that the anxiety we are feeling is actually "anticipatory grief.” We know that naming something helps us to work with it and accept it. Many folks worry that if they actually allow themselves to feel something, there will be no coming back from it. As therapists, we know that it is quite the opposite. Fear, sadness and anger are just energy in the body and deserve your full attention and respect. Most often the intensity of it passes quicker when we allow it to be felt and expressed rather than denied or repressed. While it is sometimes best to do this with a mental health professional, there are some things we can do on our own that can help us cope with this discomfort and anxiety.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Feelings are a natural part of being human, no one is exempt—Acknowledge your feelings and try to talk about them. Write about them, listen to music that expresses them. Meanwhile, use kind and tender self-talk to comfort and reassure yourself.
• Breathe—Use simple strategies to ground and calm the nervous system, e.g., breathe in for four slow counts and out for four slow counts. Set a timer and continue for two minutes. It's called Coherent Breathing in yoga and can help with anxiety, sleep and lack of focus.
• Let go—Try letting go of what you cannot control, and there is a lot of that; limit news intake, maybe even set a 15 minute timer. Stay informed but avoid drowning in horrifying details.
• Nourish your soul—Remember this is a marathon not a sprint. Sustaining ourselves, even thriving in these times, is possible if we nourish our mind, body and spirit. Music, nature, moving the body, dancing, showers, books, writing, FaceTime socializing, pets, poetry can still the mind and calm the body. Find things that soothe you and do more of
  them.
• Be realistic about expectations for productivity—In her recent article in The Chronicle of Higher Education, “Why You Should Ignore All That Coronavirus-Inspired Productivity Pressure,” Aisha S. Ahmad encourages us to recognize that the world will never be the same. This is more than merely adjusting to working and learning from home, “There is simply no way that our lives will resume as if this had never happened. And so, while it may feel good in the moment, it is foolish to dive into a frenzy of activity or obsess about your scholarly productivity right now. That is denial and delusion. The emotionally and spiritually sane response is to prepare to be forever changed.”
• Find Meaning—This is the sixth stage of grief developed by David Kessler. How will you find meaning in this time of your life? Whether it is a deeper appreciation for walks and nature, gratitude toward all that you do have and for the people in your life. Or using this time to work on parts of yourself, or interests that may have gone neglected due to the fast pace of our usual lives. Slowing down can be healing.
• Keep trying—Some days will be harder than others, but don’t give up. You may need to be more gentle with yourself. But each day (each hour really) is a new beginning.
• Seek support—We are all in this together. If things are getting really tough and you are not functioning well, ask for help. If you are a Bard student, our office is here to help you. If you are staff or faculty, we can help you connect with resources. Email us at counselingservice@bard.edu. We are here for you. More resources are listed below.

And lastly, now that a form of Pachacuti has arrived, maybe it is a time to listen to the wisdom of indigenous people, like the Shamanic Medicine Men who, the story goes, asked the following questions of their troubled patients:

When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?

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